そのとき私自身の回復は完了したんだなと感じました 【不登校の子どもが本当に考えていること】３
【不登校の子どもが本当に考えていること】３
フリースクールに通う子どもの声から
そのとき、私自身の回復は完了したんだな、と感じました。
＜フリースクール東京シューレ：旅立祭・「旅立ちのことば」より＞
親愛なるシューレへ
どこから、どんな言葉で始めればいいかわかりません。けれど、みんなには知ってほしい。
シューレという場所に、私という存在がいたということ。
シューレのことを一つのチーム、一つの家族のように感じていたこと。
（中略）
この数年間、多くの変化が起こりました。
良いこともあったし、悪いこともあった。
学校に行かないという選択をしただけで、すべてがめちゃくちゃになりました。
私と私の家族は、お互いの関係を維持しようと最善を尽くしたけど、学校に行くことは私の人生のすべてだったので、乗り越えるのは簡単ではありませんでした。
学校の中でできたらいいなと思い描いていた多くのことを放棄して、半年間、ほとんど家で過ごす日々が続きました。
自分をなるべく早く「正常」に戻したくて、新たな居場所を見つけるために没頭したけれど、結果的に上手くいかなかった。
今思い出しても、とてもしんどい期間でした。
回復するためには時間が必要でした。
それはシューレと出会ってから始まり、シューレに馴染み、講座やイベントに参加していく内に、私は徐々に変化していく自分に気がつきました。
「学校をやめたせいでもうできないと思っていたことが、ここでできる。自分の生きる場所、人生は一つだけじゃないんだ」
今までとは違う生き方を受け入れ、たくさん学んで発見し、成長していくためのチャンスにしようと思いました。すぐにそうできたわけではないんだよ？「すぐに、早く」を求めるほど状況は悪くなったりしました。時間はかかったけれど、周囲のひとたちの視線や言葉が、だんだん気にならなくなって、自分の心を信じることを選べるようになりました。
それは私を「自由」にさせることでした。
そのときに、私自身の回復は完了したんだな、と感じました。
それから、シューレを通して「俳優になる」という夢がみつかりました。
（中略）
そして、何よりも一番重要なことは、これまで四年間、忘れられない思い出を作ることができたこと。
ステージで発表したり、ニュース番組で、フォーマルな場で意見を発信したり、外国まで飛び出したり…！
数えきれないほどの挑戦は、シューレのみんなが私を支えてくれたから可能でした。他の場所や人たちではできなかったことだろうね。
シューレはいつも私の後ろで応援してくれました。みんなはクリエイティブで、いつも私を支持してくれて、品格があって、強くて、面白くて、二つとない大切な人たちです。
みんなと私の人生で、そしてこの旅行でシューレと一緒に成長してこれたことはかけがえのない思い出。
みんなと出会えてとても幸福でした。
素晴らしいサポートを私にしてくれて、私が愛することを応援してくれた、私がやることを愛してくれたシューレの仲間たち、スタッフ、サポートスタッフ、ボランティア、シューレで出会ったすべての人たちにはいつもいつも感謝しています。めちゃくちゃお世話になりました。
愛を込めて
（東京シューレ王子 Tさん）
東京・不登校を考える会通信 Vol.335より
シューレの卒業式である、旅立ち祭に向けて王子シューレのTさんが書いてくれた手記です。
原文はもっと長く、思いがたくさん詰まったものでした。（ブログに載せるにあたって、泣く泣く中略させていただきました。）
「自分の生きる場所は一つじゃない」という、Tさんの力強いことばを、今苦しんでいる子どもたちにも伝えたいですね。
（スタッフ：はらの）
不登校経験者の話を、直にきくことのできるシンポジウムを５月２５日土曜日に行います。
日時・５月２５日土曜日 １３：００～１６：００ （終了後に個別相談タイムがあります。）
場所・東京シューレ葛飾中学校
お問い合わせ・東京シューレ：０３－５９９３－３１３５
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流山シューレまでご連絡ください。
〔流山シューレ〕
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