【スタッフより】不登校経験のお話
こんにちは。スタッフの原野有理（はらちゃん）です。
この場をお借りして、自分の不登校体験をちょこっと書かせてもらいます。
何かのお役にたちますれば幸いです。
私が不登校になったのは小学校４年生の頃でした。その後は適応指導教室に通いつつ、給食登校や別室登校をしながら学校と離れることなく過ごしていました。
当時は茨城県在住で近くにフリースクールがなく、フリースクールを知っている大人もいませんでした。
案の定、無理がたたり６年生の夏から昼夜逆転してひきこもります。
誰にも邪魔されない自分の時間や場所が欲しかったのです。邪魔されないためには夜間しかありませんので、心と体が求めた自然な流れでした。
家族は特に何かすることはありませんでした。母はただ朝食を作りながら、これから眠りにつく前の私の話しを聞いてくれました。家事をする片手間にただ聞くだけです。
約半年後、中１に進学した春に昼夜逆転を一日でやめ、ふたたび適応指導教室に行くようになりました。
なぜかというと、充電しきって人に会いたくなったからだと思っています。ゆっくり休むことで、自ずからエネルギーが沸いてくる場合があります。私の場合はそうでした。
その”ゆっくり休む”ためには「なんとか動き出してくれないかな」と思っている存在が身近にいないとこが肝要です。
母は私の状態を受け入れたうえで、親子といえどもあくまで他人だと割り切っているようでした。
また、ひきこもっていながらも世界は閉じていませんでした。テレビ、本、ラジオなどで情報を得て、少しずつ知っている世界が広がっていました。そして夜中に見知ったことを朝、母に報告し消化していくのです。
閉じた世界で考えていると、後ろ向きに考える癖がありました。思考がぐるぐるして、自分を責めることしかできなくなってゆくのです。ぐるぐるし始めたときに、本と対話し、母と対話できる環境があったことは幸福だったと思います。
あの時、誰かに促されたからではなくきちんと回復してから外に出たことが、結果的には良かったのかなと思っています。
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